Erectile dysfunction and serious side effects small price to pay for instant home transformation.
AMILIES ACROSS the U.S. are scrambling for the chance to have their homes renovated by Cialis, the famous erectile dysfunction drug and now also miraculous home makeover specialist.
The only qualification homeowners need possess is proof of a valid, current Cialis prescription. The drug maker then holds drawings to pick the lucky few who will see their kitchens and living rooms instantly transformed into lush gardens complete with giant boulders, romantic walking paths, waterfalls, and blue skies.
A few lucky winners will also find two complimentary antique bathtubs floating in their own private lake. A Cialis spokeswoman was at a loss to explain how separate bathtubs would assist couples in their search for successful intimacy, saying only, "Cialis is such an effective drug that even if one bathtub floated away with you in it, your marriage would still see a vast improvement in sexual performance. However, if you experience blurred vision while taking Cialis, please get out of the bathtub and seek immediate medical attention. Towels are not provided."
Couples winning Cialis home makeovers must sign a waiver that any disappearance of furniture or appliances occurring during their home's transformation is not the responsibility of Cialis makers or any of its subsidiaries.
Explained the spokeswoman, "For example, we at Cialis are not liable for the replacement of your refrigerator once it has morphed into a giant boulder for your new Garden of Eden. Also, if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, please climb down from your boulder and immediately call your doctor, as this reaction may indicate a rare but serious side effect."
As a result of the wildly popular Cialis home makeovers, doctors are seeing a marked uptick in couples' willingness, and in some cases even eagerness, to admit erectile dysfunction. Some physicians suspect that the husband may actually have no sexual dysfunction at all, but is, as one doctor said,"being put up to this by a wife who wants her backyard re-landscaped into Shangri-La."
One husband, who agreed to speak only on condition of anonymity, admitted to extracting a Cialis prescription from his doctor on false pretenses.
"I'm pretty much a stud," admitted J.L., "but my wife, she wants a lake and a boulder, so I'm pretending I'm a limp noodle instead. I guess I kind of spoil her a little."
The Cialis spokeswoman warned potential contestants against taking Cialis when no symptoms are present.
"If you experience anything nasty while taking Cialis when you shouldn't, immediately call your doctor and say, 'It's my own damn fault.' Plus no boulders for you."
© 6.29.10 Kate Heidel