Christina Aguilera Attempts to Sing Fewer Notes, More Correct Words

Singer admits achieving pared-down style will be a challenge.

N THE HEELS OF her embarrassing flub of The Star-Spangled Banner at last Sunday's Super Bowl, singer Christina Aguilera has decided to embark on what some observers think is an impossible task: to sing fewer notes per syllable, thus potentially increasing her brain's ability to remember a song's lyrics.

Said one brain researcher who asked to remain anonymous "so she doesn't send me any complimentary CDs," Aguilera's decision "is extremely brave, but also extremely risky. She hasn't ever sung only one note per syllable, and my feeling is that the risks of a serious brain injury definitely outweigh the benefits of enhanced memory."

But another expert in brain function disagreed.

"If Christina can manage fewer notes, the length of her CDs would be much shorter. This has to be good for all concerned."

"But she could easily get more songs on each CD," observed the anonymous researcher, causing the brain expert to rub his temples and weep quietly.

The currently blonde singer has expressed interest in listening to the recordings of Rosemary Clooney, whom Aguilera is now calling "the mistress of less," to get a feel for how a renowned artist accomplishes the art of singing one note per syllable.

"I don't know why she sounds so damn good," said Aguilera to People magazine. "Even without more notes, she comes off better than me. If she weren't dead already, I might have to strangle her. Just kidding!"

To help pare down her stylings, Aguilera is working with her song-writing team to write a new crop of tunes containing words of only one syllable, even though one of her song writers quickly pointed out that "'Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light' just about met that requirement, if you ask me."

The song writer, speaking on condition of anonymity, "so she doesn't send me any complimentary CDs," explained, "Instead of 'early' we'd substitute 'new.' I am so sure that would make a world of difference."