After the honeymoon, a summer variety show is not out of the question.
HASTITY BONO, currently still the daughter of famous singing duet, Sonny and Cher, is reported to be "very excited" to begin her sex-change procedures "as soon as humanly possible" so that she can launch serious courtship maneuvers with the now ex-Miss California, Carrie Prejean.
Says the future son of Sonny and Cher, "I can't wait to get this whole thing wrapped up, because I know exactly who I want to spend the rest of my life with."
The almost-erstwhile Ms. Bono said she knew as soon as she laid eyes on the beauty contestant during the now-infamous question-and-answer segment of the recent Miss California pageant "that she was the one for me.
"There she was, standing tall and proud for marriage between a man, soon to be me, and a woman," beamed Chastity Bono. "Despite getting completely dissed by that dweeb Perez Hilton, my future wife and the mother of my children stood her ground even at the risk of losing her title. What a goddess. She is beautiful inside and out."
Chastity, remarking that Cher "looked really surprised" upon hearing the news, said she then remembered that her black-maned mom "always looks that way now. I keep forgetting.
"Once Mom actually opened her mouth and said something, I realized she was fine with it," confirmed the groom-to-be.
Friends of Chastity are quite sure that Mother Cher will provide a signature portion of the entertainment for Carrie and Chas's wedding reception.
"Cher has a whole white-wedding lingerie getup that would be just a knockout," offered one long-time Cher observer, "although it just isn't right to outdo the bride on her special day, is it? So Cher might just go with a simple chartreuse or hot-pink bustier with matching garters and 10-inch black patent go-go boots. You know, something that says, 'Don't mind me, I'm just the proud little mother-in-law.'"
© 6.16.09 Kate Heidel
