Outlook 'Positive' insists already tainted rating agency.
TANDARD & POOR'S, unfazed by an accounting error of $2 trillion that led it to lower the United States' credit rating, has forged ahead with its decision to upgrade Catwoman to MeowMeow+, despite revelations that Anne Hathaway would be the latest actress to play the role.
"This is simply astoundingly bad math yet again," insisted one market analyst and avid Catwoman fan. "I mean, this is the same agency that actually downgraded Catwoman when Julie Newmar was cast in the '60s, so how can you trust these people?!" the analyst asked, raising his voice.
Responding to intense Catwoman-related criticism on the heels of similar reactions over S & P's downgrade of U.S. debt, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac, a spokesman for S & P's insisted the company "is supremely confident in our MM+ assessment of the Catwoman brand, despite unwarranted concerns over Ms. Hathaway's ability to add value to the role. Our Catwoman outlook is ‘Positive.’ And may I also say, Julie Newmar was overrated by Fitch and Moody's."
S & P's spokesman denied rumors that the rating agency had been influenced by special favors from stylist to the stars, Rachel Zoe, who has dressed and styled Ms. Hathaway for several red-carpet occasions.
"That is complete nonsense," insisted the spokesman, sporting a Tom Ford linen suit and Prada shoes.
Ms. Hathaway, dressed in her ninth outfit at only 10:30 in the morning, was on her way to a Guinness World Book of Records event for reacting to Standard & Poor's news with the biggest smile ever recorded on a human face.
"I am so humble, and so thrilled!!" beamed Ms. Hathaway. "Although I must beg to differ with Mr. S & P about my idol, Julie Newmar. I will do my very best to stand in her fabulous paws!!" added the starlet, executing wardrobe change number ten before squeezing into the back of a limo with her record-breaking lips.
© 8.9.11 Kate Heidel