Fiorina Says Catty Boxer Hair Remark Shows 'I'm a Serious Candidate'

Republican promises to pull Boxer's skirt up and laugh at her underwear after winning in the fall.

X HEWLETT-PACKARD CEO Carly Fiorina, purported to be the adult Republican candidate for the California U.S. Senate seat currently held by Barbara Boxer, defended her remark the other day concerning Senator Boxer's hair style by saying it was "the most effective way I can show I'm a serious candidate to hold national public office. If Senator Boxer doesn't like it, she should go to a beauty salon and do something to make herself hot. Because right now, she is so far from hot it's totally hysterical."

Senator Boxer's non response to the Fiorina hair attack prompted a second salvo from the Republican candidate, who stated that her Democratic opponent in the upcoming November election "is a tax-and-spend liberal who smells like knock-off Chanel when you get up close to her. Ick!!"

Candidate Fiorina went on to say that she looked forward to debating Senator Boxer on the issues facing California "and making fun of her totally lame shoes. I mean, who wears heels like that anymore??"

Running on a platform of "Change and a Half-Decent Fashion Sense for California," Ms. Fiorina pledges that, if she is elected in the fall, "my constituents will see a transformation in how things are done in Washington on their behalf. For one thing, I will look amazing in my up-to-the-minute 'do as I slash taxes and make Maryland Senator Barbara Mikulski look even dowdier than she does today, if that's humanly possible."

When asked what hair styles had to do with running for political office and doing the people's work, Ms. Fiorina told reporters, "I'm always saying, if you can't stand the heat, get a decent straightening iron and press that pathetic frizz out of your poodle hair. I mean, hello."