Calgon Takes Woman Away

Returns her safely to bath.

photo credit: x-ray delta one

HE FAMOUS bathing-soap crystals, Calgon, took away an Ames, Iowa, woman from her bath on Monday, but safely returned her to the tub about twenty minutes later.

Peggy G., mother of two, said she was "pretty surprised" to have been taken away, but described it as "invigorating," and "not at all what I expected."

Hearing her two teenage children arguing in the living room, Mrs. G. said she thought of the famous Calgon tagline "and just said it out loud on a lark while I was taking a bath."

No sooner had she finished uttering, "Calgon, take me away!" the Ames resident said she felt herself "drawn through a bright tunnel, lined with brilliant pink and purple bubbles. I moved really fast, but wasn't afraid," she said, adding, "I did feel really clean, though. Incredibly clean."

At the end of the tunnel, Mrs. G. reported seeing "the brightest, biggest loofah I've ever seen in my life.

"I thought to myself, 'Won't this scratch? Why can't it be a nylon scrubbie?' But then I felt acceptance washing over me. I accepted the loofah, and my mind said 'Yes,'" she recalled.

Mrs. G. went on to describe how she was "cleansed by the loofah more than I ever thought possible for a human being who was already clean.

"And yet, it never really touched me," she explained. "It didn't have to, it just emanated infinite bubbles.

"It's hard to put into words," Mrs. G. added. "I just know I'll never be this clean again. And let me just say, my skin felt fully moisturized, without a drop of lotion. I call that a miracle."

The mother of two then realized she was once again sitting in her bathtub.

"I checked my iPhone, and only about twenty minutes had passed. It felt like I was gone forever, but it was only twenty minutes!" she said.

Mrs. G. has not been able to repeat the transporting experience, despite uttering the famous Calgon tagline whenever she's in the tub.

"I suppose I should be grateful for the one time," she said, "but once Calgon has taken you away, you want more."