Herman Cain Heads to Appalachian Trail for Solace and a Few Job Interviews

Candidate hopes getting in touch with nature will prove rejuvenating.

MBATTLED Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain announced in a press briefing following Wednesday night's debate that he plans to take a break from campaigning to "seek spiritual solace for a time on the Appalachian Trail," and while there, "complete a few job interviews."

Mr. Cain said that he planned to do little work while communing with nature "other than help put a few qualified people back to work. All I'm going to think about, when I'm not relaxing, is jobs, jobs, and more jobs. But first I need to make very sure these candidates are completely qualified."

The beleaguered presidential hopeful would not give specifics as to his location on the scenic Appalachian Trail, "because" he stated, "it just wouldn't be right to subject my guests to all kinds of media hound doggin'. Remember, we cannot commune with God's natural beauty if we know you could be peekin' around the corner, takin' pictures, and askin' silly questions."

As a former president of the National Restaurant Association, Cain said the jobs he had in mind for his candidates would be in the areas of "restaurant management, event catering, and especially the hospitality side of guest relations. My candidates should know all about how to please the customer," said Cain, adding, "we must remember, and I cannot stress this enough: the customer is always right."

Upon his return to the campaign trail from the Appalachian Trail, Mr. Cain said he would introduce his job candidates and announce the position each had been hired for. When asked by a reporter how he could be so certain that every candidate would land a position, Mr. Cain replied, "They want jobs, don't they?"