One Giant Leap for One Little Heap
RESS SECRETARY Dana Perino announced at today's White House press briefing that Mars had been finalized as "the official location" of George W. Bush's presidential library.
"We thought about this long and hard, you can be assured," purred Ms. Perino. "Despite Earth's many fine locales, we have decided that the best way to launch the president's visionary goal of a manned mission to Mars is to entrust the flight crew with his library."
"Who's 'we'?" inquired White House reporter Helen Thomas.
"Well, 'we' is me, actually," cooed Perino. "I just thought it was a lovely way to pay tribute to the president's many hunky years as leader of our great country. He kindly signed off on the idea, and then we made out for about an hour."
NBC Chief White House correspondent David Gregory asked, "What about construction on Mars? Is that known to be possible? And what about the additional costs of training and equipping a construction crew?"
President Bush, appearing suddenly from behind a curtain, strutted to the podium and slid his left arm around Ms. Perino's waist.
"Oh, that won't be necessary as it turns out, heh-heh," stated the President.
"Why is that, Mr. President?" pursued Gregory.
"Because the president doesn't have a populous library, he simply has a great library," swooned Perino.
"That's right," confirmed the president. "I pack light, but I pack a punch, right Dana?"
"Oh, yes sir," murmured the Press Secretary.
"What about the time it will take to prepare for this mission?" continued Gregory. "Are you willing to delay the opening of your presidential library well into the term of a new presidency?"
"Well," Ms. Perino sighed, "seeing how the payload will be smaller than usual, we should be able to shave off a good month or so in travel time alone."
According to sources, at last count the Bush library was known to consist of three major works: The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle; Lewis Carroll's Alice In Wonderland; and an English translation of Enhanced Interrrogation by Gestapo Chief Heinrich Muller.
"All of them make me nice and sleepy, even when it's not bedtime," blinked Bush.
© 2007 Kate Heidel
