Internet ads display undeniable results!
IET PLANS OF every stripe are on notice since a report just released demonstrates conclusively that "Photoshop is the only product on the market today that can guarantee reduction in unwanted belly fat—with 100% results!"
Dr. Mehmet Oz of Oprah fame, says, "I personally have never seen such amazing results in my 30 years of medical practice. Wait until I tell Oprah!!"
Dr. Andrew Weil, Integrative Medicine guru, hails Photoshop as "the most incredible advance in diet and health since the Neti pot nasal flusher. I myself have lost all my belly fat, not to mention the dark circles under my eyes!"
Photoshop uses sophisticated computer technology to "erase" belly fat and reveal the trim, washboard contours "that nature intended." Your tightest pants "slip right on," even after indulging in a 24-ounce New York strip and baked potato with butter and sour cream.
"I've completely stopped my colon cleanses," says Dr. Weil. "With Photoshop, who needs them?!"
Ms. Jenny DiBartolo of Saddle River, New Jersey, expressed amazement at the product's miracle fat-reducing testimonials.
"I am completely amazed by the sound of this product! Where has it been hiding out all this time?" asks Ms. DiBartolo, who plans to lose her unwanted belly fat before an all-important date tomorrow evening.
"According to the package, I can install Photoshop in a few minutes, and be on my way to a slimmer me in less than one hour!" says a delighted Ms. DiBartolo. "All I need is a digital photo of myself and the ability to read and follow directions!"
And that's not all. With just a little extra practice—less than 20 minutes a day—Jenny will soon be able to add floor space to her studio apartment, reunite Brad Pitt with Jennifer Aniston, and shake hands with President Obama while floating weightless aboard the space shuttle.
"Wow!" says Jenny, "that is totally awesome! Thanks, Photoshop!!"
But wait, there's more! Photoshop's millions of satisfied customers will be thrilled to learn that the wonder weight-loss program is partnering with Toyota, the world's most successful auto maker. For a limited time only, every Photoshop owner will receive a voucher worth $3,000 toward the purchase of a recalled Toyota Camry, or a voucher worth $5,000 toward a recalled Toyota Prius hybrid.
"Why, they're practically giving cars away with vouchers like that!" says Ms. DiBartolo. "Photoshop and Toyota, you rock!!"
© 02.12.10 Kate Heidel
