Back-to-School Ads Successfully Take All Fun out of Remaining Summer Break

Advertisers say their work is done for another year.

photo credit: rachels1221

GENCIES specializing in print and television ads for back-to-school supplies and clothing are patting themselves on the back for once again dampening any remaining summer fun for school children around the U.S.

A spokeswoman for the Back-to-School Ad Group said that August "is the month we most look forward to each year, as it's the time when we can inject dread into the hearts of American children, who thought they had more time for fun until we came along to remind them they were dead wrong."

Admitting that the year-round scheduling adopted in some school districts "makes our task that much more challenging," the spokeswoman insisted that back-to-school creative staff "have baked the new reality into their campaigns. We're confident we've reached even into the hearts of kids who have another break in three months and made them feel cheated. We take great pride in what we do."

These days, according to the spokeswoman, ads are emphasizing not just supplies and clothes, "but the social-status component of the new school year. Will you be popular, or one of those losers who gets beaten up after school? Are you smart enough but not too smart? If you're a girl, is this the year for implants? There's so much to agonize about, and we like kids to get started early."

Not content with the status quo, next year ad companies will be launching campaigns in a few test markets as early as the second week of July "to see" the spokeswoman explained, "if we can turn the screws nauseatingly soon after the Fourth of July celebrations. We're all about impact.

"After all," she added, "these days kids need to consider a lot more than what box of crayons to buy. Frolicking carefree on a summer day is for wusses."