Eighty-One Percent of Americans Favor Border Fence around Michele Bachmann

Barbed wire and electrification of Bachmann fence considered "reasonable" by 73 percent of responders.

 RECENT poll in USA Today found that a clear majority of Americans—81 percent—favored building a border fence around Republican presidential candidate and Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann.

"With all the talk of border fences," explained a USA Today editor, "we felt it begged the question, 'Should the U.S. consider building a border fence around Michele Bachmann?' We were surprised at the strength of the response," the editor continued. "If only our national elections drew such high turnout."

Not only did most responders favor the Bachmann fence, but fully 73 percent said that barbed wire and electrification of the fence represented "reasonable" options. Only 12 percent viewed them as "unreasonable." The remaining 15 percent thought the options ought to be "mandatory, given who we're talking about here."

Minnesotans, understandably, made the most of the "additional comments" section of the USA Today poll.

M. Johnson of Stillwater wrote, "Please build the fence asap!! I would be happy to contribute whatever I can!!" Esther H. of Woodbury wrote, "Can you also build one for her husband? Maybe you could place an opening between them so they can pass back and forth and visit."

Another woman named Janice P. offered "to bake her some cookies every week, if you promise never to tear down this fence."

Bachmann's New Hampshire staff, who initially sent word that they were just taking a quick break on the Appalachian Trail, cosigned a letter to the editor at USA Today endorsing the Bachmann border fence as "a clearheaded, practical means of keeping an eye on one of the most unpredictable threats to the national discourse since Ronald Reagan called ketchup a vegetable."

The New Hampshire staff also endorsed keeping the media at a distance of "not less than one mile from the perimeter of the fence, to ensure that the public's only further exposure to Michele Bachmann is distant images of her waving like a happy chipmunk.

"We believe in free speech," the letter concluded, "but that does not mean the speech has to be amplified, recorded, or played back."