Automakers on Track to Reach 100 Percent Recall Goal

Promise "no rest" until their work is done.

F CAR owners were beginning to suspect that every single passenger vehicle would eventually be recalled, their suspicions were confirmed in a press release published this morning by the world's major automakers.

In the release, automakers indicated that recent recalls by Honda, Toyota, and Chrysler were "just the tip of the iceberg," and that the previous year's massive Toyota recall was "a much larger tip of the iceberg, true, but a tip nonetheless."

The ultimate goal of recalling every car in circulation apparently goes beyond repairing vehicles, as strongly hinted by this admission: "We have our reasons for recalling every vehicle on the road, but those reasons go beyond merely repairing defects."

Automakers went on to promise "no rest until all passenger vehicles large and small, from coupe to truck, in every color in our attractive palette of options have been recalled. That is our solemn pledge to vehicle owners everywhere."

Once a passenger vehicle has been recalled, automakers assured owners it would be "highly unlikely" for the same vehicle to be subject to additional recalls "unless something else is found that could make things go horribly wrong."

But to minimize needless subsequent recalls, automakers will soon make available for download "a completely free, very attractive sticker" owners can affix to the recalled vehicle's windshield. Moreover, every new passenger vehicle will roll off the assembly line "with a special, sticker-friendly windshield surface for our customers' convenience."

And finally, automakers promise the lucky owner whose vehicle is the fifty millionth recall "a complimentary set of lovely replacement floor mats" as well as a voucher for whatever happens to be the latest Celine Dion release.