General consensus is that he is a complete hairy nerd loser.
HIRTY-ONE-YEAR-OLD American Al Qaeda operative Adam Gadahn, who has so far managed to evade capture and arrest for treason against the U.S. government, has not been quite so lucky in capturing the heart of even one woman on the popular dating service Match.com.
On one of his recent YouTube videos, the American convert admitted, "mine has not yet been a fruitful journey in the quest for a pure and docile Muslim woman to bear my children for Al Qaeda and joyfully submit to my every command."
The voluminously bearded former Oregonian says he has had to renew his Match.com membership three times, "because in the last three years of our glorious struggle against the evil Crusaders, no chaste Muslim woman has come forth to serve me in my work and remain faithful and silent while baking bread and engaging in other simple joys that circumscribe the obedient."
On the popular dating site, Gadahn describes himself as "6 ft. 1 and 230 pounds of pure Islamic holiness, with dark brown eyes and a nose for the infidel." His interests include "praying fervently five times per day," "brushing up on my classical Arabic," and "growing hair."
Comment threads left by women responding to Gadahn's Match.com profile and obtained by the National Security Agency display a pattern of disillusionment over the radical Muslim convert, whom the women have tagged with an unflattering handle.
"o sure, like i'm wearing a burka for al barfa!" says one commenter called "arab girrrrl."
Gadahn assures his YouTube viewers that he will not give up his "quest for she who is to be my first wife of many, for it is my duty to produce a legion of mighty soldiers for our glorious jihad. Also, it is difficult coming home to an empty cave bereft of tea and baklava."
© 03.09.10 Kate Heidel