Obama Deploys FLOTUS to Handle Protesters Against Verizon Surveillance

Tweaking Michelle's heckler comeback to "You've got no choice" to suit the circumstances.

Michelle Obama 2013 official portrait
photo credit: via Wikimedia Commons

RESIDENT OBAMA, under fire for his defense of the massive collection of millions of Verizon phone logs by the National Security Agency, has announced through his Press Secretary, Jay Carney, that he will send First Lady Michelle Obama across the U.S. to deal with the protests as they erupt.

"The First Lady has accepted her husband's challenge to meet protesters head-on," confirmed Mr. Carney, "and is preparing her itinerary as we speak."

Sources say Mrs. Obama, not shy about getting right up in a heckler's face as she did last week during a fund-raising event, is said to be "raring to get out there and set some people straight."

Mr. Carney would not confirm rumors that Mrs. Obama's "You've got one choice" comment to the heckler was being tweaked to "You've got no choice, so suck it up."

"That doesn't sound like something the First Lady would ordinarily say," balked the Press Secretary. "Although we are living in extraordinary times, so you never know."

For those protesters who will not have the unique experience of a First Lady facing them down individually, people can follow Mrs. Obama's confrontations via Twitter @FLOTUSinface.

Mr. Carney said that all Mrs. Obama's Twitter followers "will be compiled in a database, but just for the purpose of sending out the White House holiday greeting cards. That is totally the truth."

The President is planning to mention the surveillance scandal in this Saturday's radio address, which is tentatively entitled, "We're all in this together, except you."